“Can you find love on Tinder?”

Ah, the question that everyone who hasn’t tried the app curiously asks. I opened my Tinder app and recalled the first time I ever used it.

Initially, I was skeptical about online dating. I thought Tinder, like other dating apps, was for people who only want to indulge in flings and uncommitted fun. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of being able to find love through an app. I hate to admit it: I’ve judged people on the network and I despised Tinder despite not having used the app at all. I still believed love unfolds a certain way: by chance encounters, intimate conversations, two people falling in love with one another. I had a narrow perspective on modern romance in my generation.

Friends and people I know who’ve used and found love on the app shared stories on how it all started for them. I realized that the hesitation to try the app was my fear of change — I hated how my views were being challenged by technology! But, curiosity kicked in after hearing my friends’ perspectives and I hit “download app.”

Having been on the app for a year now, I noticed that everyone asks why you’re on Tinder. That’s when you’ll realize that people have different reasons: some want to kill time, cure their boredom, feel good about themselves, be distracted from loneliness, have a good time and mess around… But, amid the sea of people, there’s a small portion of “Tinderfellas” and “Tinderellas” who are looking for something serious, who want to be in a relationship, who use the app the way it should be — for dating. 

I remember matching with someone interesting. It was one of those days when I lazily swiped to pass time. This guy is foreign, totally cute, and adventurous. Above all, he’s a simple guy who found joy in simple things (as seen in his profile, of course). When we first matched, I knew I had to start the conversation and that’s where it all began. He found me adorable and the whole interaction was so much fun that we left the app to talk somewhere else. We continuously kept in contact and despite both being busy, we tried our best to meet and go on a date.

For the first time in a long while, I was treated with respect and I felt loved. I hadn’t experienced that magic for some time so I freaked out. It’s scary to put your heart on your sleeves. By doing so, I let my fears get the best of me and ran away. When I realized my mistake, I tried to reach out but I knew I already screwed up. I wasted the chance to be with someone amazing and deprived myself of the happiness that I could’ve had.

At some point, I also realized I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. It wasn’t the right time, yet. I took it as a lesson so when the next person comes, I’ll be sure of what I want.

I know a lot of people who found real relationships on Tinder — some just started, some are going strong, some already ended their love stories. There are those who’ve decided to leave the app, and some still choose to go back to the same cycle of swiping left or right until they find the right one.

Does it mean you can find love on Tinder? Apparently, it doesn’t work that way. You don’t get to find love with just a right swipe, or because you matched with someone. After all, you’re not supposed to look for love, you let it find you — at the right moment, at the right time and place, with the right people, and on your own terms.

Based on my experience, Tinder doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find love, but it can help.

Most of us are still defining ourselves and trying to navigate adulthood. Some of us are busy pursuing passions and greater pursuits in life. There are people hustling and trying to make ends meet. Tinder makes it easier for us to find someone we can really connect with, so we can still put ourselves out there despite the differences in priorities.

If you happen to meet someone from Tinder with potential for a long-term relationship, it’s all up to you. Condition your mind and prepare yourself. Decide if you want to pursue a relationship with that person.

Tinder is just a tool that can help you be open to love and dating again. Love is everywhere. It happens when you least expect it. Maybe the love of your life was already that match you weren’t talking to, maybe it’s someone you were about to swipe right to, or maybe you won’t meet them in an app, but in a bar, or a friend’s event, or when traveling to places you’ve always wanted to see. You have to realize that love is natural. It’s a force that cannot be forced. You let it develop over time. 

You still need to put yourself out there, though. Don’t close yourself off from the possibility of love finding you. Whether it be on a dating app or otherwise, trust that it will find you. Believe in the universe, or fate, because it sometimes works in tandem with our technology. Be patient and focus on being the best version of yourself for now so when you match with someone again, you’ll be ready. Stop looking for love, and be open when it comes.

With right swipes come great possibilities.

Love in the 21st century is a series of essays and anecdotes tackling modern love, relationships, and dating in the age where technology is at the forefront, playing a key role in connecting two hearts, even from a distance.