It’s been more than a month since I started self-isolating. I found myself wallowing, sprawling while the uncertainty creeps deep within. It’s a constant battle, deciding whether I’ll do something to pass time, or just tend to myself and do a little bit of self-care.

The pandemic hovering over our heads somehow slapped us with realizations. We were forced to do some retrospection, particularly in our relationships.

In this quandary, people have started reconnecting with the people that matter — friends, family, significant other, crushes, exes (really?), and persons close to their hearts — and to someone I deeply adore, I happen to not be part of it.

One slice of pizza, one slice of warmth

Three weeks ago, I started to move on from another almost relationship. I asked myself, “Was there even an us to begin with?” I scroll back to the messages I bravely sent over Instagram which was left unread, perhaps deleted, and I pondered: Why didn’t I step away the moment I sensed some red flags?

Maybe because I still cherish the last date where we shared a delectable pepperoni pizza, along with a mouthwatering bacon and cheese pasta. Perhaps, it was that instantaneous connection, where we just clicked and bonded over similar interests. That fiery spark you suddenly feel. Or was it the conversation that dragged on for over four months? With every message and checking up that made me feel special. And loved. That’s probably it. Loved.

After all, we’re humans and we just want to feel loved. To be caressed, nurtured, taken cared of. In between the delusions, I might’ve purposely disregarded the mixed signals. “He’s into me,” I told myself repeatedly just like Gigi from that heart-wrenching movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

“If the person you like certainly likes you, he or she will make an effort”

Maybe it wasn’t heart-wrenching to some, but for people (like me) who struggled with unreturned phone calls, and dealt with stringing along and indecisiveness from the person in question, that film felt like a nail gun to my chest. Just like in the movie, I saw myself in those Baltimorean women struggling with reading someone’s romantic interest.

Like a puppy asking for a bite

I looked back in my conversation with this person I deeply adore, sneaking away to take another glance at his Instagram profile. With the technology we have, how hard is it to communicate? Then it hit me: That dating advice Gigi received still rings true up to this day. Who would’ve known that ten years later, that advice will still be an absolute truth?

If the person you like certainly likes you, he or she will make an effort — not sending you breadcrumbs as if you were a puppy desperate to get a bite of tiny leftovers.

“If they don’t want to call you, they won’t.”

I wish I had realized this sooner and didn’t let myself be blinded by non-committal offers. He was vague, inconsistent, and kept on sending mixed signals. That should’ve been the sign that it’s not going anywhere. Katy Perry, through her song “Hot and Cold”, perfectly encapsulated the way this person behaved, and I let his erratic actions trample all over me just because I thought he was really into me.

It’s not what you deserve

What confused me back then was the intense interest he showed. I kept asking myself, “does he really like me?” It’s as if he was purposefully leading me on. I learned this the hard way.

Despite all the butterflies, I regret wasting my time falling head over heels with this person. Some part of me wished I didn’t entertain and didn’t believe that it was what I deserved. I guess at that moment, I ascertained my worth. That urged me to put more value on myself.

In front of the mirror, I glare with strength and poise, “I’ll never settle to anything less.” Somehow, having a mantra to chant every morning made me feel stronger. Gladly, this came in a situation where I can be alone to process everything without distraction. Perhaps, a silver lining in the catastrophe that China caused.

Glued to smartphones, but no communication

But just like any other person, I wasn’t able to move forward instantly. There were moments of doubt, a barrage of emotions waiting to be dealt with, bouts of insanity, and giving and making excuses. He’s probably busy; he’s having difficulty coping with this pandemic; or perhaps, he’s doing a digital detox since I do it regularly, too.

The only difference is I know how to respond — with an unwavering interest — to people that I truly like and people close to my heart. It hit me: If they don’t want to call you, they won’t. Because that’s how I do it, too.

“You’ll always take some time to reach out to that person you like.”

Our lives are now on phones and laptops, and it’s pretty difficult to grasp the truth that we aren’t worth responding to. I know, I know. Reading this might make you think this is a precedent to a clingy and toxic behavior. I’m telling you, it’s not. My life (and my job) had me glued to my gadgets, with communication being second-nature, especially in this remote working setup we all find ourselves in.

It’s easy to have unread messages when a lot is going on because I happen to have that exact situation. People are left on my inbox, notifications are hardly checked — immediately swiping it out of your screen promising to check it later (but of course you’ll forget about it).

You are the antidote to your poison

Knowing the reality of a busy life can make you gloss their inconsistencies over, pushing yourself to believe that they have a lot on their plates. You’ll keep making yourself believe they haven’t had the time. When that moment happens, that’s the time you need to suck that poison out of your life. Stop giving yourself false hopes. You are your antidote, and only you can save your life.

Here’s some truth pill that may be hard to swallow: It’s not that difficult to send one message to keep the connection alive. You’ll always take some time to reach out to that person you like. It might not be right away, but you’ll always make an effort to show you care.

At least, that’s what I would do. I know for a fact that I will express my interest the way I want to receive it, too. If s/he still doesn’t, even after giving him or her numerous chances, dear, it’s time to walk away.

You deserve someone who won’t make you guess whether s/he’s into you.

Love in the 21st century is a series of essays and anecdotes tackling modern love, relationships, and dating in the age where technology is at the forefront, playing a key role in connecting two hearts, even from a distance.