Dating

He’s not busy, he’s just not that into you

The truth is a hard pill to swallow

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It’s been more than a month since I started self-isolating. I found myself wallowing, sprawling while the uncertainty creeps deep within. It’s a constant battle, deciding whether I’ll do something to pass time, or just tend to myself and do a little bit of self-care.

The pandemic hovering over our heads somehow slapped us with realizations. We were forced to do some retrospection, particularly in our relationships.

In this quandary, people have started reconnecting with the people that matter — friends, family, significant other, crushes, exes (really?), and persons close to their hearts — and to someone I deeply adore, I happen to not be part of it.

One slice of pizza, one slice of warmth

Three weeks ago, I started to move on from another almost relationship. I asked myself, “Was there even an us to begin with?” I scroll back to the messages I bravely sent over Instagram which was left unread, perhaps deleted, and I pondered: Why didn’t I step away the moment I sensed some red flags?

Maybe because I still cherish the last date where we shared a delectable pepperoni pizza, along with a mouthwatering bacon and cheese pasta. Perhaps, it was that instantaneous connection, where we just clicked and bonded over similar interests. That fiery spark you suddenly feel. Or was it the conversation that dragged on for over four months? With every message and checking up that made me feel special. And loved. That’s probably it. Loved.

After all, we’re humans and we just want to feel loved. To be caressed, nurtured, taken cared of. In between the delusions, I might’ve purposely disregarded the mixed signals. “He’s into me,” I told myself repeatedly just like Gigi from that heart-wrenching movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

“If the person you like certainly likes you, he or she will make an effort”

Maybe it wasn’t heart-wrenching to some, but for people (like me) who struggled with unreturned phone calls, and dealt with stringing along and indecisiveness from the person in question, that film felt like a nail gun to my chest. Just like in the movie, I saw myself in those Baltimorean women struggling with reading someone’s romantic interest.

Like a puppy asking for a bite

I looked back in my conversation with this person I deeply adore, sneaking away to take another glance at his Instagram profile. With the technology we have, how hard is it to communicate? Then it hit me: That dating advice Gigi received still rings true up to this day. Who would’ve known that ten years later, that advice will still be an absolute truth?

If the person you like certainly likes you, he or she will make an effort — not sending you breadcrumbs as if you were a puppy desperate to get a bite of tiny leftovers.

“If they don’t want to call you, they won’t.”

I wish I had realized this sooner and didn’t let myself be blinded by non-committal offers. He was vague, inconsistent, and kept on sending mixed signals. That should’ve been the sign that it’s not going anywhere. Katy Perry, through her song “Hot and Cold”, perfectly encapsulated the way this person behaved, and I let his erratic actions trample all over me just because I thought he was really into me.

It’s not what you deserve

What confused me back then was the intense interest he showed. I kept asking myself, “does he really like me?” It’s as if he was purposefully leading me on. I learned this the hard way.

Despite all the butterflies, I regret wasting my time falling head over heels with this person. Some part of me wished I didn’t entertain and didn’t believe that it was what I deserved. I guess at that moment, I ascertained my worth. That urged me to put more value on myself.

In front of the mirror, I glare with strength and poise, “I’ll never settle to anything less.” Somehow, having a mantra to chant every morning made me feel stronger. Gladly, this came in a situation where I can be alone to process everything without distraction. Perhaps, a silver lining in the catastrophe that China caused.

Glued to smartphones, but no communication

But just like any other person, I wasn’t able to move forward instantly. There were moments of doubt, a barrage of emotions waiting to be dealt with, bouts of insanity, and giving and making excuses. He’s probably busy; he’s having difficulty coping with this pandemic; or perhaps, he’s doing a digital detox since I do it regularly, too.

The only difference is I know how to respond — with an unwavering interest — to people that I truly like and people close to my heart. It hit me: If they don’t want to call you, they won’t. Because that’s how I do it, too.

“You’ll always take some time to reach out to that person you like.”

Our lives are now on phones and laptops, and it’s pretty difficult to grasp the truth that we aren’t worth responding to. I know, I know. Reading this might make you think this is a precedent to a clingy and toxic behavior. I’m telling you, it’s not. My life (and my job) had me glued to my gadgets, with communication being second-nature, especially in this remote working setup we all find ourselves in.

It’s easy to have unread messages when a lot is going on because I happen to have that exact situation. People are left on my inbox, notifications are hardly checked — immediately swiping it out of your screen promising to check it later (but of course you’ll forget about it).

You are the antidote to your poison

Knowing the reality of a busy life can make you gloss their inconsistencies over, pushing yourself to believe that they have a lot on their plates. You’ll keep making yourself believe they haven’t had the time. When that moment happens, that’s the time you need to suck that poison out of your life. Stop giving yourself false hopes. You are your antidote, and only you can save your life.

Here’s some truth pill that may be hard to swallow: It’s not that difficult to send one message to keep the connection alive. You’ll always take some time to reach out to that person you like. It might not be right away, but you’ll always make an effort to show you care.

At least, that’s what I would do. I know for a fact that I will express my interest the way I want to receive it, too. If s/he still doesn’t, even after giving him or her numerous chances, dear, it’s time to walk away.

You deserve someone who won’t make you guess whether s/he’s into you.


Love in the 21st century is a series of essays and anecdotes tackling modern love, relationships, and dating in the age where technology is at the forefront, playing a key role in connecting two hearts, even from a distance.

Dating

Pokémon launched Pikachu-themed wedding rings, but there’s something nasty about them

How big is your love?

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As of late, The Pokémon Company has increased its reach to a lot of other industries outside of gaming, including lifestyle apps and wireless earbuds. Now, the ubiquitous brand has expanded to the most precious catch of them all: wedding rings.

Partnered with Japanese jewelry company Ginza Tanaka, The Pokémon Company has officially launched Pikachu-themed engagement rings and wedding bands. The list of products includes simple platinum and gold wedding bands that come in a PokéBall-style box. Couples can also get their rings engraved with their own personal customizations. (However, the company rightly suggests a variation of “I choose you, [insert name here].”)

Meanwhile, the engagement rings are a bit more ostentatious. One design is a simple silhouette of Pikachu’s face, but the face’s center holds a diamond. Another design has two Pikachu tails holding the diamond in place. Like the wedding bands, they can come in either gold or platinum.

Cute as they are, there’s something awfully weird about them, as The Verge points out. In particular, the ears of the Pikachu rings look particularly nasty. Call us skeptical, but we don’t think Pikachu had *those* for ears. And yes, while they are part of the marriage process, we don’t know if you’d want them wrapped around your finger forever.

However, if you’re not bothered by them and think they’re perfectly innocent and fluffy Pikachu ears, they retail for JPY 346,500 (approximately US$ 3,225). Meanwhile, the wedding bands range between JPY 115,550 (approximately US$ 1,076) to JPY 121,000 (approximately US$ 1,126). The collection also has a keepsake photo frame selling for JPY 13,200 (approximately US$ 123).

SEE ALSO: Pokémon Unite is the very first Pokémon MOBA game

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Dating

Dating apps will stop letting you search by race

In response to Black Lives Matter protests

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Since its inception, online dating has always presented an interesting conundrum. To access the services, users are shrinking themselves down to individual nuggets of data focused entirely on who they are. In doing so, they enter a vast lottery of people, searching for people according to their preferences. However, one of these nuggets is unarguably the most controversial topic today: ethnicity.

Though Tinder does not allow searching by ethnicity, other dating apps — Grindr, OkCupid, and Hinge — do, allowing users to search potential matches based on their race. However, Grindr is taking an all-new stand, in response to the ongoing protests happening across America.

Announced on Twitter, the popular dating app for gay, bisexual, and transsexual men supported the Black Lives Matter movement. However, rather than just making its stand known, Grindr has announced the end of its ethnicity search function. In the next update, the app will take the feature out completely.

However, in a statement to Forbes, other similar dating apps will keep the ethnicity search. According to these companies, minority groups still want the search function to find other people like them.

Regardless, it’s an interesting time for dating apps in general. For one, social distancing has put physical dating to a complete halt, necessitating new socially distant matching tools. Secondly, with race turning into a touchy topic for everyone all over the world, how will dating apps respond?

SEE ALSO: Tinder will soon allow you to match with anyone around the world

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Dating

Tinder will soon allow you to match with anyone around the world

Global Mode will roll out beta tests next week

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Tinder has always relied on an important feature: geolocation. By using your device’s location, the popular dating app connects you with people in your immediate area (or whatever radius you manually set). Naturally, social distancing has made physically connecting impossible during the pandemic.

As such, Tinder is now testing a new feature that will allow users to match with anyone in the world. Currently on testing, the new Global Mode enters interested users to a much more global agora of daters.

As reported by The Verge, the upcoming feature will still differentiate itself from Tinder’s already existing global functionalities. Currently, Tinder offers a premium service called Passport which allows users to match with other users in a manually specified region.

In comparison, Global Mode will not offer users control over where their profiles will eventually land. It’s a global roulette over which country will find you attractive. Likewise, to differentiate the feature from Passport, Global Mode is completely free.

Since the pandemic, Tinder has tried various features for thirsty daters stuck at home. Last month, the app offered Passport to all its users for free. The app is also testing a new video chat feature, reducing the need for a third-party messaging app.

Global Mode will start rolling out for testing purposes next week.

SEE ALSO: Tinder adds a panic button for dates that go wrong

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